Decision Time

For many households around the country, the past week was monumental as college decision letters (or really, emails) arrived. If you follow The Choice blog on the New York Times website you’ll see endless articles and threads on this topic, and the headlines grabbing the most attention are about the shocking rejections. So many intelligent, gifted and high achieving high school seniors denied admission at their top choice schools. This phenomenon continues to raise the question: who is getting into these places?

The book I’m working on about the college application process will hopefully help readers feel better about rejection if they eventually experience it.  An entire chapter will be devoted to keeping some perspective in this wildly emotional process. Yes, it’s difficult to rationalize why your child may be better off attending a school closer to the bottom of their list rather than their first ranked school. Yet many parents who have been through this will tell you that when all is said and done, it will be okay. In other words, a bachelor’s degree from a public state university can be just as valuable as a degree from an Ivy League school. It is what your child makes of their undergraduate education that matters the most.

I talked with private college counselor Gisela Terner who works with families in the Milwaukee, Wisconsin area. This is what she had to say:

“Any student who wants to go to college today can go, but as parents, you need to know that they will be just fine wherever they do end up going. Whether their diploma is from Georgetown University or Bradley College – it is ultimately what your child makes of his/her education that matters.

I always remind parents that the greatest, most successful CEOs of our country have graduated from all kinds of schools – big, little, noteworthy or unknown. The key is that your child takes ownership of the decision about where they chose to go and then makes the most of their experience at that particular school.”

These thought-provoking sentiments come from a parent of two successful college graduates:

 “College is really about growing away from the family and becoming an individual.  Unless they aspire to be a teacher, nurse or graduate in engineering, kids will have to get another degree after college, and it is that degree that will determine their future career…

Long story short…it works out…when you look in the rear view mirror…it’ll all be ok.  If it isn’t, you work on that.  All the time and energy and money … and you never know. Quite honestly… we spend way too much time on the process and not on the transition. It is like child birth.  Way too much time on delivery… and not enough on being parents. Way to much time on planning the wedding and not on the marriage…       

This time passes and the next decisions are much bigger.  Choosing a mate.  Choosing a career.  Choosing, or being chosen by, a grad school.  I always tell parents to save a lot of energy for kids all thru their 20′s…”

Such insight and advice is not novel, but it’s worth keeping in mind at college admissions decision time if the results don’t work out the way you had hoped. And if you’re in serious need of some humor to get through the disappointment, consider the pearls of wisdom that author and newspaper columnist Hank Herman offers in his hilarious book, Accept My Kid, Please! A Dad’s Descent Into College Application Hell.

In the final paragraph of his book he offers this parting shot:

            “So if you’re in the throes of “the college process” now – or are about to go through it soon – take a deep breath. Have patience. Do whatever it is you need to do to get through the day. Try not to slaughter your children. And remember, no matter what they go through, and no matter what they put you through, and no matter where they wind up, chances are they’re going to love it. And they’ll do just fine.”

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