It All Turns Out for the Best

May 1st has passed, and for many high school seniors a decision that dragged out to the final day is now official. Over the past few weeks I suspect I annoyed my daughter with my questions about which colleges her friends would be attending this fall. So many still seemed to be on the fence. Given my book project, and the rather exaggerated interest I have in the topic of college applications, I was very curious to know how many of her friends would be going to the schools they most dreamed of attending.

Most, it seemed, were not.

I was pretty surprised by some of the “results” and the final decisions. Based on the limited information my daughter shared and professed to really know, I think financial aid packages were a huge factor. No surprise there. One of her friends, a top student and all around impressive applicant, aspired to attend McGill University. Already fluent in several languages, she wanted a University that could offer a more international experience. Although she was accepted by McGill, she’ll be going to the University of Wisconsin where tuition is a fraction of the cost for in-state residents.    

Other friends of my daughter had hopes of going to school in New York, Pennsylvania, California. Despite letters of acceptance, they’ll be heading to a variety of schools just one state away in Minnesota. My sense is that some kids have a change in heart about going quite so far away from home once the reality of college sinks in.

Whatever the reasons for their final decision, I’m willing to bet that almost every one of these kids will be happy at the school they chose. Odds are, even if the campus they settle into is not the one they thought they’d be at this fall, they will each grow to love that place and the people they meet. 

My prediction is based on what I’ve learned after talking to many parents and students themselves. University of Delaware student Liza Melms is an encouraging example of how a tough choice often works out for the best:

“Of the final two schools I was deciding between, the college I ended up turning down had a much better reputation. Whenever I would tell people I got in there, they would reply, “Ooooh, that’s such a great school, and really good sports!!” and naturally no one really knew about the University of Delaware. However, after a lot of personal struggle, I ended up going to UD for various reasons, but mostly, because I felt very comfortable there. Looking back, I am beyond happy with my decision and I don’t think my life would have been as close to as wonderful as it is now if I had made the other choice.”

A child/adolescent psychiatrist from University of Massachusetts Medical School, himself the father of a daughter in college, learned a lot from the experience of helping his daughter choose the right school. He shares an interesting exercise that he believes illustrates how kids gain perspective about the process years after making the big decision:

“I told my daughter and her friends – make a list of your school rankings, put it in an envelope, stick it in a drawer and open it five years later. Then see if you can even begin to explain how that list ever made sense. With some perspective, you’ll see how the differences that you perceived as being so significant were really so small, and you won’t be able to explain why that list was ordered the way it was.”

While there’s no magic formula or guaranteed solution for helping high school seniors make the right decision, the evidence I’m gathering is reassuring. Through anecdotes and the sharing of personal experiences the consensus is that, for the most part, the college that kids choose to attend becomes a place they love.

With the May 1st deadline behind us it’s time for families to focus on the excitement of the process that lies ahead. Graduation ceremonies and parties. The trips to Target, Walmart and IKEA for dorm room supplies. Spending time together this final summer before the start of college. I know that is my goal, and nostalgic feelings aside, I’m embracing this special time.

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