Reality Sinks In

A text message arrived the other night from my daughter, a senior in high school, with this question: ‘can we please talk about post-prom plans tonight?’ I applauded her good judgment in granting me a heads up that this was on her mind and needed to be addressed when she returned home later that evening. On the other hand I grumbled internally anticipating that our exchange about post-prom plans – specifically her curfew – could be less than pleasant. While I feel fortunate that we have survived these past few years without too many heated confrontations, the curfew issue was one of those that tended to incite high emotion.

 The curfew issue was also a source of great amusement recently – one of those moments that I can only think of as precious as I prepare for my oldest child to head off to college.

 I was sitting beside my daughter at the University of Michigan Campus Day program a few months ago listening to an admissions officer discuss the University’s summer orientation program. He made a few references to their expectations of students living in the dorms for a few nights during orientation and reminded parents that for most, this would be their first overnight experience in dorm rooms. What followed were a few jokey comments about behavior, self control and the like. I heard my daughter gasp under her breath and I turned to her.

 “Mom, I just realized — when I go to college, I won’t have a curfew!” she whispered.

 Um, duh.., I thought to myself. Instead I smiled at her and said, “how cool is that?”

I think she was surprised by my response. But whatever she was thinking it was finally starting to hit her. What a monumental step it is to leave home and be on your own. How different life will be!

For many families this is huge, and so they turn to others who have been through it for guidance and advice. In talking to many parents around the country for my book research, I’ve learned that a popular resource is the book Letting Go – A Parents’ Guide to Understanding the College Years. I got myself a copy and have been reading about this transition period when the hype of applications, followed by responses from colleges, followed by making the big decision finally comes to an end. Authors Karen Levin Coburn and Madge Lawrence Treeger have this to say in Chapter 4 of their book:

 “Thoughts turn to high school graduation and to fun and relaxation. Many parents stand by and watch their 17- and 18-year-old offspring regress to childlike behavior…

At last the pressure if off. Students brag about the crazy things they are doing and flaunt their irresponsibility…”

So far I haven’t witnessed this in my daughter, but then again, she’s still a few weeks from graduating. If she is going to go through this stage, I just pray it doesn’t begin the night of prom.

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